


A Nice Little Dinner Party

by amanda_please



Series: The Malfoy Chronicles [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28367745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda_please/pseuds/amanda_please
Summary: In which Narcissa Malfoy hosts a nice little dinner party, Sev Snape accidentally finds himself an honored guest, and Bella Lestrange coerces Tom Riddle to make the trek to the Upper East Side.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Series: The Malfoy Chronicles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058441
Kudos: 8





	A Nice Little Dinner Party

"The problem," Bella Lestrange's high-pitched voice all but screeched in Narcissa Malfoy's ear, "is that your dinner parties are just never any _fun_." Narcissa rolled her eyes and pressed the speaker button on her iPhone before laying it down on the coffee table in front of her.

"I beg to differ, Bella," replied Narcissa drily, absentmindedly petting one of the Pomeranians’ heads as it jumped up on the velvet sofa to curl up next to her. She scooted it ever so slightly away from her skirt. "The problem is that we have _very_ different ideas of fun."

"HA," Bella said, a high-pitched cackle escaping through the phone. "Your idea of fun is sitting in your billion-dollar townhouse with your _boring_ husband sipping 21 year-old Macallan and discussing your most recent investments."

"Don't act like you and Rodolphus are impoverished," replied Narcissa, refusing to let her older sister fluster her. "You come from just as much money as Lucius does."

"The Malfoys are new money," Bella said, "as shown by how Lucius chooses to invest in such _ostentatious_ things."

"Shut your mouth," snapped Narcissa, finally losing her temper. The Pomeranian, sensing her owner's mood shift, tried to climb onto her lap to comfort her, but Narcissa would have none of it. She absolutely refused to let dog hair get on her Burberry. "Lucius has more class than you and Rodolphus will _ever_ have. Just because you choose to throw your money away on things like gambling and drugs-"

"As if you've ever tried a drug in your life," Bella snorted. The Pomeranian continued to burrow into Narcissa's side, and she pushed it away with her well-manicured fingertips.

"Excuse me, but I have certainly-"

"Taking a hit of cousin Sirius's joint at Aunt Wally's surprise birthday party twenty years ago does _not_ count."

"Well, I'll have you know-"

"And neither do _prescription drugs_."

"You know what, Bella?" broke in Narcissa before the conversation got _very_ heated and the Pomeranian ruined her skirt. "I need to go; Draco has a tutoring session in ten minutes. I'll see you and Rod on Saturday at 7 PM, goodbye!" She hung up the phone before Bella could get another snarky comment in, and the dog took advantage of the moment to make a successful maneuver into her lap. "Ophelia, no! What did Mother say about sitting on her when she's wearing designer?" she scolded.

"Mother?" Draco's voice drifted into the living room as he appeared in the doorway, schoolbag slung over one shoulder. His cheeks were flushed red from the December air and his white-blonde hair was slightly rumpled. "When is Horace getting here?"

"What, Draco?" asked his distracted mother as she dropped Ophelia to the floor in a small, fluffy heap. Two other Pomeranians darted through Draco's legs and into the living room, yapping as they made a beeline for Narcissa and her Burberry. "NO! Juliet and Portia, Mother said NO!" By this time, all three of the miniature dogs were jumping at her bare legs, and Narcissa had no choice but to sink back onto the couch and let them maul her.

"God, Mother, why on earth do we have the Poms? They're not even _real_ dogs," sniffed Draco, depositing his bag on the floor and dropping into an armchair across from his mother.

"Ask your father," Narcissa sighed, trying to avert her face as Portia gave her a series of wet kisses. Juliet and Ophelia curled up right on top of the brand new Burberry skirt and looked up at their owner with wide, loving eyes. " _I_ don't care for animals, as you very well know."

"I know," drawled Draco in faint amusement. "Anyway, what time is Horace getting here? Do I have time for a snack?"

"Darling, I _told_ you to eat a snack before leaving school," his mother chided him. "And Horace couldn't make today's session, so he recommended someone else- I think his name is Skippy? Something like that, anyway. He's due in ten minutes."

" _Skippy_?" said Draco incredulously as he scampered off to the kitchen to grab an apple just before the doorbell rang and Dobby, their butler, answered it.

"Mrs. Malfoy," Dobby squeaked in his strangely high-pitched voice, "the new SAT tutor has arrived!"

"Thank you, Dobby," called Narcissa, standing up with a Pomeranian under each arm and the last one nipping at her ankles. She still managed to glide elegantly toward the front hall, high-heeled Manolo Blahniks stepping over Juliet's tiny body.

"Hello," said the tutor in a deep voice as he came face-to-face with Narcissa. He was tall with long, black hair hanging on either side of his face and sallow skin; she had the funniest idea that she'd seen him somewhere before.

"Nice to meet you, Mr.-" here Narcissa broke off, expectantly waiting for the tutor to provide her with his name. She never bothered to learn anyone's name unless they mattered.

"Snape. Severus Snape- you can call me Sev, though," he replied, very carefully annunciating his words.

"Lovely," said Narcissa, gracing him with a half-smile. "Well, Horace strongly recommended you, so we're pleased that you are here. Draco is a junior at Hogwarts School- I don't know if you've heard of it?"

"I have," Sev told her. _The Upper East Side playpen for a bunch of snobby little rich kids_ , he thought as he fought off a sneer.

"Wonderful," she said after waiting for him to elaborate, but to no avail. "Anyway, as I said, Draco is a junior, so he will presumably be making his first attempt at the SAT in March. Horace has been largely covering the writing part with him; Draco is a very clever boy, but also a lazy one. He must get that from his father."

"I see," replied Sev, nodding just once.

"Yes. Well, that was meant to be a joke," Narcissa said drily, depositing Ophelia and Portia on the floor next to Juliet. All three dogs turned to Sev and began jumping at his legs; he met them with a disdainful look as he took a step backwards.

"Mother!" Draco called as he made his way leisurely from the kitchen to the front hall. "Is this my new tutor?"

"Yes, darling, say hello to Sev."

"Nice to meet you," said Draco pompously, puffing his chest out and offering the man his hand. "Wait a minute! I've met you somewhere before."

"SoulCycle. The Tribeca studio. Tom Riddle's class."

"Oh! _Of course_. I _knew_ you looked familiar," cut in Narcissa, remembrance dawning on her. "Well anyway, Draco dearest, I'm going to leave the two of you to your studying session. I have some calls to make." And with that, she drifted away, the dogs at her heels.

"So, Sev," Draco said casually as he led Sev into the library, one of the many rooms off the front hall, "how much can I pay you to tell my mother that I studied diligently for the _entire_ session?"

* * *

Three days later, Saturday evening rolled around quite abruptly. The guests for Narcissa's dinner party were due to arrive at 7 PM sharp, which really meant a few minutes past 8 PM, as all members of her social group were very well aware. At half past 7, she was tearing around the second floor of their Upper East Side Brownstone, black Chanel dress halfway unzipped and three-inch Jimmy Choo's hanging from her hand.

"Darling!" she shrieked as she darted from the master bedroom into the bathroom and back into the bedroom again. Lucius, who was situated in a green velvet armchair that faced the electric fireplace with a glass of Macallan in hand, raised his slate gray eyes to his frantic wife and lifted an eyebrow. "Zip me up!"

"Of course, Cissa. Why are you so stressed out?" he drawled, rising from his chair so that he could stand behind her. "Do you need a Xanax?" he said in a whisper _right_ against her ear so that she shivered despite herself. She felt his hands on her bare back, fingers playing with the zipper of the dress.

"I'm not stressed! And no, thank you, I took half of one earlier," she said in a breathless voice, dropping one Jimmy Choo on the floor as her husband pressed his lips to the spot beneath her left ear that always drove her _wild_. "Not _now_ , Lucius," she added, trying to regain control.

"But later?" he asked hopefully, burying his face in her long, blonde hair.

"If you're lucky," she laughed, turning around in his arms. "Maybe I'll even-"

"Mother!" Draco's voice rang out as he pushed through their bedroom door with absolutely no regard for privacy. "Oh God, not _again_! Can't you two control yourselves?"

"I might say the same for you, young man!" hissed Lucius, jumping back from Narcissa as though he'd been burned. Draco scowled at his father as his mother hurried into the bathroom to apply one last swipe of lip-gloss and arrange her hair in an elegant chignon. "Why you don't understand the concept of _personal space_ is beyond me. What on earth are we paying $50,000 a year for you to learn at that godforsaken school of yours?" grumbled Lucius as he took a very long swallow of his scotch.

"It's widely considered the best school in Manhattan!" Narcissa called from her position in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom.

"Not with that hippie headmaster, it isn't. Albus Whatever-His-Name-Is, letting in all of those riffraff scholarship students. I _knew_ we should have sent you to Exeter," sniffed Lucius condescendingly, now draining his glass.

"I can't _stand_ Headmaster Dumbledore," Draco agreed, lounging against the doorframe and examining his nails. "He's absolutely in _love_ with that orphan brat that's in my year."

"The Potter boy?" said Narcissa in a bored tone, emerging from the bathroom and looking, as she very well knew she would, like a model. "And, Lucius, we have discussed this _many_ times- Exeter is too far!"

"Yes, him," Draco rolled his eyes and followed his parents out of their bedroom and into the hallway. "Mother, do you know the other day Potter skipped Physics because he thought that there was a _sniper_ across the street from the school and instead of giving him detention, the headmaster _thanked_ him for his bravery? He actually _thanked_ him."

"Yes, darling, you already told me," replied Narcissa, exchanging an exasperated look with Lucius: Draco had been complaining nonstop about the Potter boy since they had started Hogwarts together in the sixth grade. Before anyone could say another word, the doorbell rang loudly and Dobby pranced out of nowhere to answer it.

"That man is positively eerie," Lucius said, casting some serious side-eye at Dobby before strolling into the living room to locate his downstairs bottle of Macallan.

"I know, darling," whispered Narcissa, fixing Draco's collar, "but he's the only servant that will stay with us. You've scared all the other ones off!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy!" Dobby announced as footsteps sounded in the hall. "Mr. Severus Snape has arrived!" Narcissa, Lucius, and Draco all exchanged dumbfounded glances.

"What? Who _is_ that?" hissed Lucius to his wife; she opened her mouth to answer, but before she could Sev Snape greeted them in the living room.

"Hello," he said in his cold, clear voice.

"Sev?" asked Draco. "What are you doing here?"

"Apologies for the lack of notice," explained Sev, looking awkward as he took in the Malfoys' fancy apparel and meticulously decorated living room. "I left my teaching book here on Wednesday and thought that I would stop by to retrieve it."

"At 8 o'clock on a Saturday night?" scoffed Lucius, which earned him a sharp elbow in the ribs from Narcissa.

"Of course, Sev! Dobby will take you right into the library to retrieve it," she told the tutor with a smile. "You _behave_ or you won't have any fun later," she hissed in an undertone to her husband. Draco mimed gagging into the potted plant on the windowsill and tried to covertly pour himself a scotch.

"Absolutely not," said his mother, yanking the bottle of Macallan away from him. As Draco formulated a retort, the doorbell rang again and Dobby all but flew back to the front hall to open it.

"Mr. and Mrs. Rodolphus Lestrange have arrived!" he declared.

"Cissy, we are here for your nice little dinner party!" Bella screeched in a singsong voice as she appeared alone in the living room archway.

"Where is Rodolphus?" asked Narcissa after everyone had exchanged polite pecks and Bella was holding a glass of chilled white wine. She couldn't help but gape at the slinky black dress that Bella was wearing; the plunging neckline took her breath away.

"I'm starting slow tonight," she explained to Draco with an exaggerated wink. "See something you like, Cissy?" she replied to her sister.

"Don't be crude," snapped Narcissa, fingers wrapping around her husband's wrist as he opened his mouth to reply to Bella.

"That's right, I forgot," Bella laughed, taking several large gulps of her wine. "I'm with my _classy_ relatives now." She rolled her eyes sky high.

"Yes, you are," replied Narcissa, releasing Lucius and taking a sip of her own glass of Sauvignon Blanc. " _Anyway_ , where is your husband?"

"Oh, you know Rod," Bella said vaguely, waving her left hand in the air. "He's always about somewhere."

"I don't really know him, actually," said Lucius, exchanging a quick glance with his wife. "I've barely seen the man since your wedding fifteen years ago."

"Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, thank you very much," Sev interrupted as he glided back into the living room, teaching book in hand. "I found my book, so I will be going now. My apologies again for disturbing your Saturday night."

"SEV?" screeched Bella in incredulous tones as her dark eyes landed on him.

"Bella?" he asked warily, reflexively taking a step back from the woman.

"What are you doing _here_?" she cried, advancing toward him.

"He tutored Draco this week," interjected Narcissa, trying to move between Bella and Sev, who was looking more hunted by the minute. "He forgot his teaching book, so he just stopped by to retrieve it."

"How funny! Cissy, do you know that Sev and I take SoulCycle class together every week? It's that class that I brought you to- the one with Tom Riddle."

"We know, Aunt Bella," Draco said, discreetly pouring himself two glasses of Macallan and handing one to Sev. "We already discussed it with Sev."

"Well, this is simply marvelous!" exclaimed Bella, looking delighted. "It's a SoulCycle reunion! I _must_ call Tom and ask him to come over."

"What?" Narcissa said tensely.

"Bella, this is _our_ house and you can't just-"

"SILENCE," Bella shrieked as the doorbell rang and Dobby announced the arrival of four other families. She whipped out her iPhone and started dialing Tom Riddle's number, which she had memorized. Lucius, always on edge around his wife's insane sister, took a menacing step toward her and tried to swipe the phone from her hand. "Unhand me, you fool!" she yelled at him, whacking his arm away and taking her phone call to another room.

"Lucius, _darling_ ," warned Narcissa with one icy look as she dragged her husband off to greet the guests.

"Guess you have to stay now," Draco said to Sev cheerfully, taking a swig of his drink as he settled down onto the velvet couch.

"Wonderful," drawled Sev, depositing his teaching book on the windowsill and taking a seat across from Draco.

"Hopefully you didn't have any _wild_ Saturday night plans," smirked Draco.

"He's on his way!" Bella's voice rang out as she pranced back into the room; her dark eyes alight with a maniacal glint. "Our Lord is coming here after his next class is finished." Draining the rest of her wine, she located the open bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and poured herself another glass.

"Bella," said Sev drily, "I think that Tom would _prefer_ if you didn't call him that." Bella fixed him with a frightening stare and he immediately lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Now, Draco," she said in a singsong voice again, scooting close to her nephew. "Can you tell me what you know about your daddy's latest investment?"

* * *

Two hours later, the Malfoys' dinner party was in full swing; nearly everyone who mattered had arrived and they had just finished their three-course dinner in the magnificent dining room, which was decorated with a pine green wallpaper, beautiful crown moldings, a crystal chandelier, and various portraits of pale, white-blonde Malfoy ancestors.

"He should be here any second," Bella whispered to Sev for what must have been the twentieth time that night; he'd had the misfortune to be seated next to her at dinner.

" _Who_ should be here any second?" asked Lucius, leaning over some poor nondescript woman from the Upper West Side to join his sister-in-law's conversation.

"You _know_ who," she hissed, claw-like fingers clenching around her wine glass.

"That SoulCycle instructor?" he drawled, running an agitated hand through his hair.

"Don't say it like _that_ ," snapped Bella. "You might be very interested in speaking with him, Malfoy."

"First of all," Lucius said loudly, nearly flattening the woman next to him as he tried to move closer to Bella and Sev. "Do _not_ call me by my last name when you are in _my_ house. Secondly, that man was _odious_ and he clearly _despised_ me." 

"He didn't _despise_ you, _Lucius_ ," replied Bella, rolling her eyes dramatically. "You're so _sensitive;_ I've never understood what Cissy sees in you-"

"Has he mentioned his new idea to you, Bella?" Sev broke in, preventing from Lucius leaping over the woman next to him to strangle Bella. The Upper West Side woman cast a nervous glance at all three of them and scurried away from the table to locate her husband.

"He has," replied Bella importantly. "That's what I think that Lucius would be interested in speaking with him about. He needs...shall we say...an investor."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Lucius asked as he slid into the chair next to her. Across the table from them, Narcissa, who was engaged in a lively discussion with the Parkinsons about whether the Chanel Spring Line would be released earlier than usual this year, turned her head ever so slightly to fix her husband and sister with a calculating stare.

"Draco?" Pansy Parkinson, who was seated several people down from her parents. "Who are you texting?"

"What?" asked Draco, looking up with the ghost of a grin on his face. "Oh, no one. Just someone from school, nothing important. Anyway! Do you want to go make out upstairs?"

"Sure," Pansy replied, her pug like nose turning up in distaste as she caught a glimpse of the name "Harry Potter" flashing across Draco's screen as a text came in. He shoved the iPhone into his pocket and led Pansy from the dining room in a hurried manner.

"Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy!" Dobby squeaked several minutes as the doorbell rang clamorously. "A Mr. Tom Riddle has arrived."

"Tom! Tom! Tom!" screamed Bella, leaping out of her chair and sprinting into the front hall. The other guests exchanged alarmed glances, and Narcissa knew that she had to quickly rectify the situation.

"Just my sister," she said loudly over the hushed whispers. "She is a SoulCycle fanatic and her favorite instructor has just arrived! I, for one, can't understand the appeal. I took one class and I couldn't walk for a week." She smiled her most dazzling smile, and watched in satisfaction as the nervous whispers melted into laughter and SoulCycle anecdotes.

"Bella," said Tom Riddle as he watched his most loyal customer come careening through a doorway. She stopped just short of throwing herself at him. "What am I doing here? It's Saturday night at 10 PM, and I really just want to do a shot of cucumber infusion and pass the-"

"Tom," Bella cut him off excitedly as Sev and Lucius strolled nonchalantly into the front hall. "I brought you here because my brother-in-law-"

" _You_!" hissed Tom, recoiling in apparent disgust as his bloodshot eyes widened. It was the godlike blonde man from that Saturday morning class back in October, the one who had shown up with his wife and son in tow and had broken Tom's dead, black heart.

"I _told_ you he didn't like me!" Lucius growled at Bella, looking affronted at the SoulCycle instructor's clear lack of respect for him. "Look here, Riddle, this is _my_ -"

"Yes, yes, Lucius, we all know that this is _your_ house," Bella cut across him. "Now, Tom, I want you to meet Lucius _again_. I think that he could be a very _key_ person for you to know in regards to your new _idea_."

"What is going on here?" demanded Narcissa in icy tones as she too appeared in the front hall. All four of them turned to face her, Bella looking annoyed, Sev bored, Tom thunderous, and Lucius guilty. "Why do you look like that, Lucius?" she added forcefully, noting her husband's shamefaced glance in her direction.

"Nothing that concerns you, Cissy," Bella cajoled her. "We're just talking some business; why don't you go back to your guests? It's been such a _nice_ little dinner party so far."

"Yes, Cissa darling, tell Dobby to start clearing the table so that we can have dessert soon," said Lucius in a soothing tone as he tried to pat his wife on the arm.

"Fine," Narcissa replied, with a last suspicious glance at all of them. "Lucius Malfoy, you had better not do anything _foolish_ ," she added in a frightening undertone so that only Lucius could hear her. He started with alarm as Bella, Sev, and Tom meandered toward the living room, and didn't look back.

"Never, dearest," promised Lucius, blowing her an air kiss before he clutched at his collar and gulped nervously. It wouldn't _hurt_ to just listen to Tom's idea and Bella's proposal, would it?

* * *

As the clock struck 1 AM and the last guest disappeared down the Brownstone steps to disappear into the December night air, Dobby headed to the kitchen to finish cleaning everything up, Draco rolled a joint in his bedroom and climbed out onto the side roof beneath his window, Narcissa strode into the master bedroom as she undid her hair and kicked off her Jimmy Choos, and Lucius followed her idly, one last Macallan in hand.

"Cissa," he said in a husky voice, only slurring _slightly_. "It's the end of the night and if I'm correct, I do believe that you promised-"

"I promised what, darling?" she purred, gliding toward him, now a full six inches shorter than him without her heels; regardless of their height difference, she was still his most formidable opponent.

"You said that if I behaved, we could-"

"Ah, yes, that's right," she replied in a silky tone and Lucius's heart started to sink, "I said that if you _behaved_ , you could have some fun. Now, dearest, darling husband, did you behave? You tell me." And she smiled wickedly at him, her cerulean eyes sparkling with something that Lucius didn't like one bit.

"I...I don't know what you mean, darling," he stuttered, closing his eyes and trying to kiss her, which he knew was a bold mood.

"Not so fast," she clucked disapprovingly, stepping away from him quickly. "I believe that I told you to _behave,_ but it seems that you disappeared into that study with Bella and her SoulCycle friend for a _very_ long time. What exactly were you doing in there, Lucius? Or, should I ask, what exactly were you doing with _our_ money?" She circled him like a panther would its prey, and Lucius fought to keep his voice level as he answered her.

"Narcissa," he began slowly, " _darling_. When have I ever made an investment that didn't pay off?"

" _THAT,"_ hissed Narcissa, her pitch rising with each word, "is not the problem. The _problem_ is that you like to invest in _SHADY_ things. My father told me many times that-"

"Oh, don't bring your father into this," Lucius interrupted her, rolling his eyes and then wishing that he hadn't as his wife moved perilously close to him again. The smell of her perfume only made it worse. "Your _father_ was a corrupt drunk who-"

"Don't you _dare_ ," Narcissa breathed in an incredibly low and deadly voice that sent Lucius's pulse racing, "don't you _dare_ speak of my father like that. _Half_ of our money is _mine_ and don't you _ever_ forget that." She raised her hand suddenly and he flinched, but she placed it gently against his cheek instead.

"Never, darling," he croaked, his eyes locking with hers. "I would never, ever-" But, before he could finish his sentence, the fire alarm suddenly blared and they darted from their bedroom into the second floor hallway.

"DRACO!" screamed Lucius and Narcissa in unison as they pushed open their son's bedroom door unceremoniously and were met with a blast of icy winter air and the unmistakable smell of marijuana.

"Sorry, Mother! Sorry, Father! Did you know that Potter gets high with his _stupid_ friends every free period that they have? Ha! HA! HA!" Draco cried as he climbed back through his bedroom window and fell across his bed in a fit of hysterical laughter.

"Don't worry, darling," said Lucius as Narcissa hurled one of Draco's schoolbooks at the screaming fire alarm to shut it off, "tonight was still one of the nicest little dinner parties that you've ever thrown." She rolled her eyes at him, tossing Draco's slipper at her hysterical child as the fire alarm continued to go off, and Lucius swallowed a smirk.

"Don't think that you're getting lucky _now_ ," she glared at her husband, nailing Draco with his other slipper when he refused to stop laughing. "Draco! You are _GROUNDED_ for a month. What did we say about smoking _POT_?"

"Pot! Pot! Potter! Potter! Potter with POT!" exclaimed Draco, clutching at his sides as he rolled around on his bed.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Narcissa hissed at Lucius as she strode out of the room, leaving her husband and son in her icy wake.

" _Me_? What did I do?" muttered Lucius, eyeing his son with distaste. "For God's sake, Draco, get a hold of yourself! How much pot did you smoke, anyway?" He held the joint up to the light and sniffed it delicately. "Maybe I should just-"

" _LUCIUS_!" Narcissa screamed from the master bedroom.

"Coming, dear!" he called, but not before taking just one hit out his son's open bedroom window.


End file.
